Coping with Pet Loss: Navigating Layers of Grief
Grief comes in many forms, and the loss of a beloved pet can be one of the most profound experiences of sadness and heartache we face. Pets are more than companions; they become family members, deeply woven into the fabric of our daily lives. Their love is constant and unconditional; losing them can leave a hole that feels impossible to fill.
As a family, we’ve faced many layers of loss over the years, but the loss of our pets during difficult times hit particularly hard. At the end of August 2022, my little dog Bella, who had been with me for 17 ½ years, passed away in her dog bed, right beside me.
Her loss was just the beginning of a cascade of grief, as my father, already weakened by cancer, passed away just 2 ½ months later. The grief I experienced wasn’t only tied to many other losses, but also to the realization that layers of my life were unraveling all at once.
Layers of Grief: When Loss Piles Up
From 2019 to 2024, I experienced a series of losses that included both close family members and pets. After Bella’s passing, I knew in my heart that I would eventually need another dog, but I wasn’t prepared for how deep the void would feel. Bella had been my shadow, my loyal friend, my constant companion for 17 ½ years.
She wasn’t just my pet; she was family. Bella had this special way of offering comfort—not just to me, but to my dad, who was living with dementia. She was a quiet support dog, her presence giving him something to focus on, a source of care and love in his final few years of life.
When Bella died, I felt completely lost. Her absence was so tangible that I felt it in every moment. She had been such an integral part of my caregiving journey with my parents that I couldn’t imagine life without her by my side.
This was a deep grief, the kind that isn’t always understood by others. Many people dismiss pet loss as “lesser” than losing a human loved one. The truth is that losing a pet is also carries a heavy weight of grief.
The Decision to Open My Heart Again
After Bella’s death, I began to think about adopting another dog. I knew I wasn’t ready just yet. I was still caring for my dad, and I could feel the weight of anticipatory grief as I watched him decline. His battle with cancer was nearing its end, and I was trying to balance the sadness of losing Bella with the knowledge that I would soon lose my dad too.
Then, just before my dad passed away, I received a call from a rescue organization about a tiny one-year-old Shih Tzu/Chihuahua mix named Emma. She needed a home, and they thought I might be the right person to adopt her.
I was torn. and not sure I could handle the emotional toll of bringing a new dog into my life while I was still grieving Bella. Given my dad’s failing health I began to reconsider adopting because of the time-sensitive urgency for them to rehome her.
The date to take her with us was set for November 12 2022 but my dad was so very sick. Still, I agreed to take her knowing my daughter could help care for her while I cared for my dad.
On the same day in the early morning of November 12, my dad passed away at home with my sister, her husband and I by his side. Given the heartbreaking circumstances of losing my dad, I almost canceled the adoption plans.
My 27-year-old daughter, who still lives with me, said something in my parent’s kitchen that changed my perspective.
“Mom, we’ve been through so much,” she said through tears. “Maybe new life may help us cope with the loss of Bella and Papa.”
Her words resonated with me. She was right. Despite the overwhelming grief, there was a chance that a new life—no matter how small—might bring some light into our darkest days.
On the day my dad passed away, Emma was delivered to us. She was just 4 ½ pounds, a fragile little soul who had come from a difficult first year of life. And in that moment, I understood her fear, because I was feeling so lost myself.
Two years later, Emma has become a special friend, helping to fill the void that Bella left behind. But even though I’ve opened my heart to another dog, I still miss Bella every day. Grief is like that. It doesn’t go away entirely, but it becomes part of who we are, and in time, we learn to live alongside it.
Less than a year after losing Bella and my dad, our 21-year-old cat, Daisy Girl, also passed away due to old age. We were blessed to have her with us for so long, but her loss was still deeply felt.
Then, just a month and a half later, we lost our 16-year-old lab mix, Koda. He had been with us since he was just 5 ½ weeks old, and he passed on what would have been my dad’s 87th birthday.
Amid all this heartache, our dear Emma became even more special. In the days, months, and now almost a year since we lost Koda, we’re still learning to live without those we loved so dearly.
Pet grief is hard, and while we may eventually move forward, our hearts remain open to the love we had—and always will have—for them.
How do you move forward and heal your wounded heart? You do, but it’s not about leaving the grief behind; it’s about moving with the grief and loss.
Grief never completely goes away, but with time, healing does happen.
Moving Forward: Finding Ways to Heal
The loss of a pet can leave you feeling overwhelmed with sadness, but there are ways to navigate this grief and eventually move forward. Here are some ways that have helped me cope, and I hope they will offer some comfort to you as well.
Acknowledge the Depth of Your Grief
Society may not always recognize the full depth of pet loss as a “real” grief. You will feel the loss deeply because the bond was real and important. Allow yourself to feel the pain and don’t be afraid to talk about it with others who understand.
Create a Memorial
One of the most healing things you can do after losing a pet is to create special ways to remember them. Whether through a photo album, a memorial in your garden, or something special like lighting a candle on the anniversary of their passing.
Acts of remembrance can help honor their memory and give you a sense of closure.
Lean on Your Support System
Grief is not something you should carry alone. Talk to friends, family, or others who have experienced similar losses. Sometimes, just sharing your story with someone who understands can be incredibly comforting.
Consider Loving Another
Opening your heart to another pet doesn’t mean you’re replacing the one you lost. Rather, it’s a way of continuing to share the love you have with another animal in need. It took me some time to welcome Emma into my life, but she has brought me joy and healing in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
Give Yourself Time
Grief is not a linear process. There will be good days and hard days, and it’s okay to feel a range of emotions. Permit yourself to grieve in your own time, and don’t rush the healing process. Remember, every relationship is unique, and so is the grief that follows.
Final Thoughts
Losing a pet is heartbreaking, but it’s also a reminder of the deep love we have for them, The grief we experience when they pass away is a reflection of how much they meant to us.
While the pain of losing Bella and my other pets will always be with me, the memories and the love I continue to share with Emma and my other pets are part of the healing process.
It’s possible to move forward with grief by continuing to love, even when it feels impossible at first. We don’t forget those we’ve lost, but we learn to make room for new connections and new joy. And in doing so, we honor the pets who brought us so much love and happiness.
